


A Battle Not Lost Nor Won

by NotEvenThat



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Character Death, Concussions, Confusion, Corpses, Graphic depictions of Blood and Corpses, Lost Memories, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mentions of Asmodeus as a Bad Guy, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 17:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16791457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: Magnus wakes up, covered in blood in an almost empty alleyway wondering what the hell happened.





	A Battle Not Lost Nor Won

**Author's Note:**

> Jump to the notes at the end if you'd like to see who dies before you read. Otherwise, please take the 'character death' tag seriously.

Blood.

Magnus’ hands were covered in blood. It ran from them like a river, cascading in streams across the dark, wet concrete of the asphalt he’d found himself on. It was warm and when Magnus flexed his fingers, he felt how absolutely the fluid had saturated them. It was stuck under his fingernails, it was in every crevasse of his skin, it had managed to snake it’s way under the rings that were wrapped around his fingertips, all now a bright blazing crimson color.

It wasn’t his, he thought suddenly. It couldn’t have been his blood. He wasn’t in that much pain, he couldn’t feel where he had possibly been hurt enough to account for all of this but if it wasn’t his blood then-

Someone had died. Someone had to have. Blood was dripping from Magnus’ body, falling from him to the ground a few inches away. He was covered in it, like he had just stepped out of the shower, a dark, blood-ridden shower. Whoever it was that had bleed this much certainly couldn’t have survived. He tried to think back to what he had been doing, he tried to remember what had happened and he couldn't.

What year was it? Magnus realized suddenly that he didn’t even know. He didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know _when_ he was. The last thing he remembered, Ragnor and him in Japan- no, he and Cat running across the rooftops of Paris or maybe- had he been in London? His mind flashed with images of Will Herondale, of James Carstairs and a young Tessa Gray. No, no, they had been dead for a while now- or Will was, James was gone and Tessa was older, he hadn’t spoken to her in a while, had he? At least a couple of years, he thought.

Had he been drinking? He didn’t think so, he didn’t feel like he had but he couldn’t remember, he couldn’t remember anything. He was in a city. He could hear the sound, as distant as it was, of the cars speeding by, of people talking, of horns blaring and doors slamming. His head was pounding. Each sound bounced around in it, slashing at the inside of his skull as sharp as knives, as hard as hammers hitting every side of him. 

Magnus blinked. His head rolled away from his hands and he found himself looking up. Stars came into his vision, faint ones, nothing like the beautiful galaxies he’d seen in Indonesia so long ago, before light pollution had taken over even that place- nothing like the beautiful sight he’d seen in that city in Asia with Camille- Had he been with Camille? Had she been here?

No, Camille and him weren’t together, not anymore. He didn’t think so, at least.

Magnus stretched his toes. He curled his fingers and felt them scrape against the sticky, cold asphalt he was laying on, he felt the dirt and the stones and the grim of it sticking to him as the blood dried- whoever's blood it was.

Magnus pulled his arms up and struggled to push his torso up along with it. It felt like he was dragging lead. It felt like his body was suddenly so much heavier than it should have been.

He had a concussion. He had hit his head. He didn’t remember it happening but he knew that had to have been it. He raised one shaking, wet hand to the back of his head and felt the blood that was drying in his hair, matting it into hard clumps.

He wasn’t sure if it was his or not. It was hard to tell but as his hand came into contact with his head, he felt a pounding, throbbing pain push itself to the surface. Everything blurred as Magnus dropped his hand. He almost fell backward and went to the ground again. He had only managed to sit up a little bit and he knew that if he fell back again, he wouldn’t ever manage to sit up again. So, he didn’t let himself. He held his elbows firm against the ground, his muscles trembling with the effort, his head pounding as he tried to focus on what was happening around him.

It was silent, except for the background noise, except for the sounds of the city that all seemed so far away from him. Nothing at all around Magnus moved, nothing even breathed or twitched. It was dark but Magnus couldn’t tell if it was truly as dark as he thought or if his vision was fading around him.

There was a dagger on the ground. There was blood splattered across the blade but it was abandoned. There was an arrow dug into the brick wall that Magnus could see across from him. It was clean. There was no blood on it. Clearly, whoever had shot it had missed.

Magnus pushed himself up farther and clenched his teeth until his head stopped pounding enough that he could see again. There was light at the end of the alleyway; It lead to a street with shops, Magnus could see the flickering light of a coffee shop, he could see the blurry silhouettes of people as they passed. It was close, less than a block away but it seemed terribly far when every inch he tried to sit up took such an incredible amount of effort.

Magnus called for his magic. It flickered at his fingertips and then died away weakly, uselessly. Clearly, he had already used a lot of it, that or he was far more injured than he thought.

He managed to push himself up farther and fall back against the cold wall that he hadn’t even realized was so close behind him. Every muscle in his body relaxed and Magnus realized just how much he’d been struggling to hold himself up a moment before.

 _Fuck_ , Magnus thought, closing his eyes. _Fuck, fuck, fuck-_

Magnus had gotten himself in so many horrible situations in his life. Ragnor always said that he had a knack for taking something dreadful and managing to make it a million times worse. Magnus always responded that he got them out of it though- sure, he got them into the mess but he saved them in the end. Normal people panicked when they were backed into a corner and there was no feasible way out but Magnus loved that feeling. Magnus loved the feeling of a problem that he needed to fix in order to survive.

This was not one of those situations. Magnus didn’t blink awake to find himself in the middle of some grand battle, he didn’t struggle to sit up and drag the magic through his veins, burning and trembling all the way to defend himself until he was left a bloodied mess, standing over the corpses of those who had been foolish enough to challenge him.

He just woke up. He woke up cold and alone with the battle already done, won or lost, with no clue as to what had dragged him here to this moment in time. That seemed exceptionally worse than the alternative. Magnus didn’t even know whether he was supposed to feel concerned or happy they had won, or worried that the world around him was silent, dead silent.

Magnus managed to pull himself to his feet after an incalculable amount of time. He could have sat there on the ground hours or minutes. It was terribly hard to tell when he had to push every thought to stay in his mind long enough for him to even comprehend it.

His legs shook under him. He grabbed at the wall he’d been leaning on, watching as the blood coating his hands left dark marks on the already dark red brick wall. It blended in, almost as if the entire wall had already been drenched in the stuff, though maybe it just seemed that way because he was struggling to get his eyes to focus on anything.

He took a few lurching steps forward, leaning almost all of his weight against the wall as his arms shook and his legs trembled under the weight of himself. He was limping, he noted absently. His left foot dragged along painfully. It wasn’t broken but at the very least, it was sprained. Something that would have been easy to take care of, had he not already used every ounce of magic in his veins on some unknown, unremembered fight.

Magnus managed to walk forward maybe four yards and something came into his vision. He saw a blurry, mess of a lump on the ground and even before his eyes managed to catch anything to tell him so, he knew that he was staring at a body.

The question was, friend or foe?

Magnus walked forward a few more feet and pulled himself off the wall. He took uneasy steps towards it, feeling as though he might fall to the ground alongside whoever it was any second.

It was a Shadowhunter. Magnus noticed that before he saw anything else. There was a dark rune across it's neck- a deflect rune, though it looked as if something had slashed across it, tearing the skin apart.

He should have kept walking. He should have tried to get out of there before more of them showed up and wondered the same question Magnus did- How exactly had he come to find himself unconscious, covered in someone else's blood with a dead Shadowhunter? 

Something in him didn’t want to keep walking though. Something Magnus couldn’t quite place made him kneel down next to the man and push him over, so he could see his face. Maybe, it was just a morbid sense of curiosity. Maybe, Magnus felt like he needed to look, so later, perhaps he’d be able to place this man in the context of whatever had happened here.

He was beautiful, Magnus thought. His face was covered in blood and dirt but Magnus could see past that. He could almost see what the man would have looked like, alive, smiling. He could almost picture it, like maybe he’d seen it before in some time he’d forgotten about, in some memory that he couldn’t quite reach right now.

Magnus reached forward and his fingers touched the man's cold, almost plastic-like face and he pushed back his eyelids.

He looked like Will, Magnus thought. He knew that he was not. Magnus could remember the day that Will Herondale had died and he’d looked a lot older than this Shadowhunter did but for a moment, rational thought left him and Magnus felt his breath leave his throat.

He had beautiful crystal blue eyes, ones he hadn’t seen in a very long time. He wondered how he and this man knew each other. He wondered if they’d met before this or if they’d simply been dragged into this fight together, this one where Magnus survived and he did not.

Even if he was a Shadowhunter, Magnus found it hard to imagine a universe where he’d see such a beautiful face and not feel compelled to speak to him, to not feel lured to him. He found it hard to imagine a scenario in which he wouldn’t burn the world for such a beautiful face.

Magnus let out a soft, huffed breath. He’d always been an idiot for beautiful eyes. He almost found himself thankful for a second that such a beautiful man had been taken before Magnus had had the chance to fall for him.

A Shadowhunter, Magnus shook his head. It was a pity that such beauty had been wasted.

Magnus gently pushed the man back over, watching as his body rolled limply against the cold concrete. He wondered if this was the man who’d bleed all over him. He’d certainly been injured enough to have. Magnus wondered why he’d cared so much, what he’d done to absolutely drench himself in it.

He supposed he’d never know, unless the memories came to him later. It didn’t really matter. Whatever had happened here was over with. Magnus could do nothing to change it, so what was the use in remembering?

Magnus pulled himself to his feet, sucking in a hard deep breath at the pain that shot up his leg. His head felt clearer. His vision had stopped spinning around the edges and his hands trembled less and less with every second that he came back into himself.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this injured, the last time he’d fucked so bad that he couldn’t ever remember what had happened. He wondered if he’d fought the Shadowhunter but that didn’t make sense because if he’d found himself truly that cornered, he’d have just disappeared. He couldn’t see why he’d engage in a fight like that anyway. Magnus was in no interest in fighting battles that he didn’t have too.

So then, Magnus wondered what they’d fought together. He wondered what foe had been dangerous enough to send Magnus Bane to his knees and leave him trembling when he woke.

He’d find out soon enough, he figured. Whatever it was, whatever they’d fought, he was sure it would come back around eventually. Magnus would not have gotten involved if it hadn’t mattered if they’d lost and it seemed here they’d lost.

He had a fight coming but for now, Magnus needed to find out where he was, he needed to find out when he was and most of all, he needed to find a shower and perhaps a strong glass of whiskey.

Magnus had nineteen missed calls on his phone that was broken, left behind in the alleyway he’d woken up in.

He had twenty-four texts; Two from Alec before they’d met up with each other and fallen into whatever catastrophe they’d found themselves in (‘ _Where are you? Demon activity, south side, maybe a greater demon. I’ll be home late’_ Then, _‘Backup if you’re free, I love you’_ ).

Three from Clary (' _Is Alec with you?’, ‘Magnus you need to call me’, ‘Jace is freaking out, something happened with his bond’_ ).

Four from Catarina, _(‘Your children think something happened to you. If I come all the way there just to find you having sex with your Shadowhunter, I’m going to be furious.’_ Twenty minutes later, _‘Was he really there?’, ‘You weren’t stupid enough to go face him alone, were you?’, ‘Magnus Bane, you better be okay')._

Two from Maryse Lightwood, _(‘Magnus? Please tell me you kept my boy safe’, ‘The Institute won't tell me what happened. I don’t know where Jace and Isabelle are. Please call me’)._

And thirteen from Jace, (' _Alec wont answer me, is he with you?’, ‘Greater demon, maybe asmodeus’, ‘specialty; tricks, warped reality, probably sucking dick’, ‘not that that's a bad thing.’_ Almost an hour later, _‘did you guys get it? Sensor isn’t showing anything’, ‘if you’re making out, please take a second to answer me. I think Alec’s phone is dead.’, ‘Magnus this isn’t funny’, ‘We’re coming to look for you, please respond when you see this’, ‘I’m starting to think something bad happened’, ‘If anything happened to you or Alec, i’ll kill you okay?’, ‘Leaving now.’_ A half an hour later, _‘magnus? I think alec is dead please call me and tell me otherwise’._ Five minutes later, _‘please don’t be dead too’)._

Magnus managed to glamour himself as he left the mouth of the darkened, secluded alleyway and walked out into the rather busy street. People were bustling around carrying bags and rushing in and out of stores that lit the street front. It had to have been close to Christmas, Magus thought, peering into the colorfully decorated shops as he walked past with only a slight limp in his step.

He wondered if he’d already done his Christmas shopping. He wished he could remember because if not, there was a lovely satin dress he just knew that Catarina would fall in love with sitting in the window front of a clothing store he passed.

That would have to wait. He figured he should get home, wherever that was at the moment. Magnus wasn’t sure what it was but he felt like something important had happened today. He felt like whatever had taken place, whatever thing he couldn’t exactly remember mattered more than he thought.

Then again, maybe he had just gotten drunk and gotten involved in a fight he had no business in. It wouldn’t have been the first time and anyway, he was still covered in blood. If it had been important, Magnus supposed he should clean away the evidence before someone caught up with him.

Magnus would hate to be on the run for the holidays. 

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler: Alec dies and if you squint close enough, part of Magnus does too. 
> 
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> 
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> 
> Hey! I have no clue what this is! I started writing about Magnus not remembering anything and it evolved into this sad crap? 
> 
> I know that people have an issue with Alec having blue eyes in a shadowhunter's AU but I wrote this envisioning absolutely everything but the eyes as exactly as it is in Shadowhunter's. It was an unconscious choice and I'm not going to go back and change it now, so if you don't like that... find something else to read? I tagged it as both universes, just in case. 
> 
> I'm also not quite sure if I like the format that I used for the text messages, let me know how you feel.
> 
> I haven't posted anything for close to a month and I'm very upset about that. My finals are coming up in two weeks and I have a million things I have to do before then but after that, I'm free for a month and I plan to write a million things! I'm so excited! On that note, if you'd like to suggest something you can message me on tumblr at 'facialteeth'. I plan on writing so much and I'm so open to ideas! 
> 
> See you guys in two weeks when I can finally breathe!


End file.
